Revealing Jealousy

Revealing the unreality of jealousy:

There was this beautiful and serene silence in the meditation room. Quietly filling up with people, sitting on the ground for an inward journey together.

I was almost perfectly happy, but I let some tiny thought disturb my state. My partner at that time, I was somewhere in my twenties, had told me his ex-girlfriend would be there too. I just could not get that out of my mind, and the feeling of insecurity started taking over. What is this? Why does it touch me that much? Why now, when I’m so happy to be here? Trying to get rid of that feeling only made it stronger. At some point I opened my eyes, just before the ceremony would start, and there she was, right in front of me in all of her glory…I was shocked by her beauty and the kindness she radiated, while I saw her talking softly with her neighbour. Quickly I closed my eyes again. My mind went wild, seeing her as some Goddess and myself crumbling down in doubt. It felt like a poison in me, not wanting to face her beauty, trapped in this comparison I made between us. It was so painful to feel this poison, unescapable since it was my own reaction. I was jealous, and angry with myself for being jealous. No matter what I imagined, what reasons I came up with not to be comparing myself to her: nothing worked. The suppressing only made it worse.

I prayed to God to relieve me of this agony, but I felt out of touch with reality being completely caught up in my own misery.

At that time I hadn’t heard of the practice of self-enquiry, but in retrospect I know that that was what I did to resolve this jealousy. The only way out, was the way in.

I turned my eyes to consciousness, inside deeper and deeper. The question arose spontaneously: When I am jealous, who is this I that is jealous? Is she a woman? No. Does she have an age? No.

Who is there to be jealous? Nobody. I remember the very moment I dis-identified with being a woman, all of the burden that comes with this identification just vanished as if it was never there. I was ever free and happy. The first step was detachment from the identification with being a woman. And that alone was enough to erase any jealousy ever.

I opened my eyes and saw this beautiful being in front of me while she was still softly talking with her neighbour. The only feeling that flooded my heart was love, washing away the traces of illusionary separation.

In essence we are free Being. We just need to become able to forget our superimposed limitations as real, because they are not real. We make them real by believing them to be true.

When we find ourselves seemingly to be trapped in some contraction, like jealousy or any other sense of separation, we can’t figure ourselves out of it by our minds without getting stuck even more. For liberation we need to go deeply to the root of it. There, in the Light of our Being it is revealed as an illusion and therefore vanishes as an obstacle that was never really there to block our inherent freedom. All the suffering in this way can be traced back to one main root: the illusion of separation.

Just by seeing this clearly this misunderstanding is resolved and we find ourselves to be free and discover we have never been trapped or hurt. This is the secret of the dissolution of a million problems with just the cutting of one root.

L.